They Bleed Pixels

Guest artwork by Ed Chee

I’ll say this about orphanages out in the countryside: I don’t trust them. I’ve never been in one without having a fit of the snivels. Not that I’ve ever been in one, mind, but I’ve seen enough of them through the reliable lens of popular culture to know that they are only marginally better for your health and sanity than a grinning lunatic with a stolen scalpel. Continue reading

Excellent news, and just in time for my bicentennial post! Those Machiavellian fellows over at Spooky Squid have pulled the ol’ switcharoo on the Xblock, abandoning Microsoft’s system and opting instead to vent their upcoming arcade horror game They Bleed Pixels on Steam. Which is obviously a very clever thing to have done. Oh, jubilance! Continue reading

They Bleed Pixels screenshotI have a template in my head, don’t you know, that sketches out in rough all the things that will likely enhappy me. Items such as sex and Earl Grey tea feature prominently on it, which is to be expected. I did not know until I encountered the trailer of They Bleed Pixels, though, that creepy children with deathly claw hands of death – taken in combination with smug Lovecraftian grimoires and lashings of the old ultraviolence – would manage to click so firmly into place on this toyshop implementation of my pleasure centres, but who am I to argue with the evidence of my convictions?

Because I am not a patient child, I couldn’t exactly be expected to wait for the game without pestering the developers at Spooky Squid with petulant questions, could I? Imagine the pang of happiness that assailed me when Miguel Sternberg, who is a very interesting chap and one of the delightfully disturbed minds behind Spooky Squid, took the time to reply. Comprehensively. Continue reading

Yet another reason to keep living has come from the equatorial creativity swamps of Indie in the guise of They Bleed Pixels, a charming scroller featuring spikes, cephalopods, a little girl and a pailful of mutilation.

It looks as slick as a newly-laid blood trail, and I became suddenly and desperately ill when I saw it tilted for the Crossbox and not PC. I regained myself after my feverish micromissive to developer Spooky Squid led to this sort-of assurance: “Once we’re done the xblig version we’ll start thinking PC…” (EDIT: Out of common courtesy I should have added that this was said over Twitter.)

But these sudden desperate illnesses of mine will be a thing of the wayward past if the rumours turn out to be honourable. Oh, I can hope, can’t I?

Footage after the jump! Continue reading