platformer

Iconoclasts_01_cropped

Oh, blast my slovenly inattention. Joakim Sandberg, also known variously as Konjak and The Second Coming of the Pixel, has released a new alpha for The Iconoclasts. It’s shorter than the first, it’s been the subject of ratcheting and tinkering and cries of “my pretty”, and you will want to play it over and over until the next release. Continue reading

Guest artwork by Ed Chee

I’ll say this about orphanages out in the countryside: I don’t trust them. I’ve never been in one without having a fit of the snivels. Not that I’ve ever been in one, mind, but I’ve seen enough of them through the reliable lens of popular culture to know that they are only marginally better for your health and sanity than a grinning lunatic with a stolen scalpel. Continue reading

They Bleed Pixels screenshotI have a template in my head, don’t you know, that sketches out in rough all the things that will likely enhappy me. Items such as sex and Earl Grey tea feature prominently on it, which is to be expected. I did not know until I encountered the trailer of They Bleed Pixels, though, that creepy children with deathly claw hands of death – taken in combination with smug Lovecraftian grimoires and lashings of the old ultraviolence – would manage to click so firmly into place on this toyshop implementation of my pleasure centres, but who am I to argue with the evidence of my convictions?

Because I am not a patient child, I couldn’t exactly be expected to wait for the game without pestering the developers at Spooky Squid with petulant questions, could I? Imagine the pang of happiness that assailed me when Miguel Sternberg, who is a very interesting chap and one of the delightfully disturbed minds behind Spooky Squid, took the time to reply. Comprehensively. Continue reading

Screenshot of The IconoclastsIt’s Sunday, a day I like to think of as the day of cheerful ignorance. Work, environmental concerns and the rule of law are some of the numerous things I like to ignore on Sundays, and I urge you all to do the same.

I also urge you all to swarm over Konjak’s site now, and be sure you make appropriately appreciative noises. He has posted a splendid video that both analyses the design of good action platformers (Metroid Fusion, in the main) and explains some of the philosophy behind what makes his own games so splendilicious. His narration is a perfect rendition of the style I call Avuncular Psychopath, and the piece is interspersed with a pixel plot as potty as… as… Eh, I’m adding excessive alliteration to the list of things to ignore on Sunday.

Its a lovely piece of insight delivered with Konjak’s characteristic flair. Go now and watch.

(Oh, all right, here it is. But only if you promise to mail gobletfuls of flawless rubies to Konjak until he finishes The Iconoclasts.) Continue reading

Have you tried out the preview release of Wyv and Keep: The Temple of the Lost Idol yet? If you haven’t, you should; it’s about the best relationship simulator I’ve ever seen.

It’s also made by a company called A Jolly Corpse, a name that is awesome in a box with bows.

A cooperative platactionuzzler (a neat term I’ve just invented to spare me the effort of typing “platforming action puzzler”) positively dripping with sweet pixel graphics, Wyv and Keep features the treasure-hunting antics of, well, boy Wyv and girl Keep. You can play it by yourself if you’re a stoical loner mercenary type, or with a special friend if you aren’t. Continue reading

I’m a slut for cuteness. Give me half a chance (and the correct tools) and I’ll etch Hello Kitty’s outline into every tooth I can reach.

I’m especially prone to cute robots. Unlike their mammary-beglanded counterparts, they don’t need to be housebroken, you can tinker around inside them without getting your hands covered in blood, and it is much simpler to attach flame throwers and pulse rifles to their body parts.

So it is not terribly shocking, then, that the sight of Celestial Mechanica – with its triple posthypnotic suggestion of things cute, robotic and Metroidvanic – reduced me to a drooling state of automatic consumer obedience. Continue reading